is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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