she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
