It's Friday. Sex?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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