smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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