I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
