omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
