I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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