Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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