yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
