she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
