this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
