; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
