i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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