I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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