If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
