Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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