Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
