You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
