we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
