I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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