At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
