pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's just like the Real World with babies
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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