I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
