Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
