Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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