Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
