her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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