I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
