Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
