O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
