i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
