Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
