The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
