Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
