You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
