Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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