Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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