you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
