My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
