A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize