You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
