I seem to have left my pride at pride
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
