it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you never un-have a 4some
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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