Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
