I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
