i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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