he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
