so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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