I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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