You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
