what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
