i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
