standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
