is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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