the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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