I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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