listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
