I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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