Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
