i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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