I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize