I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
send nudes
from the living room?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
