Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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