god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
