:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
