ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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