she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
