i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
