i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
