Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
