he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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