This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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