so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
