At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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