oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's Friday. Sex?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
