tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
