I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
soo... how was my night?
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